Survive / feedback wanted / rock? metal?

[CombatPlayer]

first off, excuse the genre, i have no idea what specific kind of music this is, but that aside, i want this thing to end up good, so while its as good as i can get it on my own as it is now, if any of you have feedback on how i could improve it, let me know!

survive v2.2.mp3

also the vocals can be a little hard to hear at times, but i don't really mind as i'm a terrible writer, but just for the sake of transparency i've put them below so you can read along if you must know lol

Lyrics:
once upon a time
there was a man who did commit a crime
at that point he didn't care
that he would pay the prime cost

distain
it's all i see it's so plain
this day today this time
i'll inflict pain

so once he saw his chance
he took it and he got on with his advance
he had made his plans
he didn't know he wasn't ready for this dance

distain
it's all i see it's so plain
it's time
to face my crime

it's easy to be blinded by rage
just don't forget our actions often
come back to haunt us in moments of clarity

i need to forget it
if you see fit
to let me have this moment
reality has me on my knees
begging
let me atonement
weighed down by sins
and my shoulders are numb
waiting to see if my trial will come
looking into the deep unknown depths
how will i survive in this hellhole now

i will survive
you can't deprive me of life
i will thrive
you will see in time

i survive
you deprive me

i survive
you defy me

[WilliamAshley]

Interesting. Its not really in my sought taste...

[Lixilian]

I'm not an expert in this style of music, but I...

[CombatPlayer]

Lixilian wrote: I'm not an expert in this style...

[CombatPlayer]

ive tried giving it more brightness and tried t...

[First Byte]

I have a special place in my heart for this kin...

[donkeytugger]

The song itself is quite good but the limiting ...

[Lixilian]

I like the song, I've already written that. Bu...

[CombatPlayer]

First Byte wrote: I liked the song, especially ...

[CombatPlayer]

ive tweaked a bunch of parameters, it's almost ...

[donkeytugger]

That's a lot better now - clearer but still pun...

[CombatPlayer]

donkeytugger wrote: That's a lot better now - c...

[donkeytugger]

I can tell the difference! The hi-hats cut thr...

[CombatPlayer]

donkeytugger wrote: ↑Sat Mar 30, 2024 6:06 pm I...

[CombatPlayer]

And it's released!